Horsecrap, and then some techines

Two days post removal of my wisdom teeth - all four of the little buggers, not just the impacted bottom two - I'm finally experiencing the puffy chipmunk cheeks and "wom, wom, wom" jawbone throbbing sensation everyone has been promising me.  So here I am, package of peas-on-face, cutting out the soft innards of potato/cheddar pierogies so I can strategically mush them into tiny swallowable bits.

Aren't you thrilled to know that?  Please don't be alarmed; this sort of resplendent horsecrap is not the only thing I intend to shovel at you via this blog.  I also do lots of other neat tricks.  For instance:  as part of my seminary studies, I write updated versions of Jewish women's devotional literature, which I am bound by the terms of my syllabus to share with you on this here website.  Behold:  techines!